Oh and in case you’re wondering what exam is this all about, it’s a job-related exam, something that most people in my profession do, and it’s a very valuable certification to have, so well I am caught in it I guess.

But anyway just to keep you in the loop, I will no longer be blogging on this page anymore. I think the time has come for me to move on to another space. This blog will still be opened however as I still want to preserve the fond memories I have written over the last 2 years! Yes this blog is nearly 2 years old and it would be disheartening to just throw it all into thin air. Therefore I’ve decided to keep this blog open.

As for my new address, it’s not even up yet, you can imagine, I have just bought a piece of “land”, but I have yet to build it or even lay the foundations, let alone move in! I haven’t decided on an official date to move in and make my announcement yet, as I have a couple of things to see to first, but rest assured as soon as I have gotten the site up and running, I’ll let you know

Well this is Centerpide…signing of for the last time on this site…till we meet at my new “home”, take care and god bless!

I need to get it done and over with. I’ve been telling myself about this for so long now, but I just can’t bring myself to do anything about getting prepared and started with this exam. See that’s why in school there’s something called examination dates. You’re forced to study, and prepare, because the date is fixed. Well, I too have fixed a date to write my exam. I’m planing on writing it sometime the middle of July. But see, this ain’t no easy exam, besides having a full-time job doesn’t help much either. By the time I come home, I’m too tired to concerntrate. But I know I gotta do it, it’s for my own good and I know intrisicly, it will give me a boost of confidence, if I do pass it, which I know I will.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I have to get my ass down and started working. I owe this to myself.

A high school teacher once told me on writing an essay : Writing the essay is not the difficult part, it’s starting it that it is.

I need to start somewhere to get my study engines going, no there’ll be no teacher to appraise my work, no grades, no competition, it’s gonna be one hellova different exam preperation, but I gotta do this and it starts tonight.

So my dear readers, till I see u after my exam is over, adios, sit tight, and keep me in your prayers.

However the situation is so reserved when these bunch of same bunch of people have a western visitor. All of a sudden, you hear English, and that too coupled with the phonniest of phonies accent! But I guess I understand the logic behind this.

When in rome do what the romans do.

Now my question is who are the Romans and where is Rome? By right, the Romans are supposed to be our western guests, afterall they are in OUR land (Rome!) so technically speaking, shouldn’t the westerner be speaking more like us? What’s wrong with having a British tourist associate “lah” and “wat” in his british vocabulary database? After all, he is in Rome right?

But what do we get instead? Pathetic Asians trying to sound as western as possible so that their western counterparts can understand them? OK fine, maybe Jim Baker is handicapped when it comes to expressing himself with the manglish language. Afterall, given that it’s a multi-racial language I bet it makes it hard for Jim Baker to understand it.

But what about us Asians? I mean just because we’re dealing with a foreigner, does it warrant us to put on phoney cheapskate accents? Speaking good English is one thing, but putting on a fake accent is another. How do you know it’s fake? Well it becomes a fake when it’s only used when dealing with foreigners. It’s fake when that same person who you know can’t speak English very well. Sorry but that’s how I stereotype people, I personally find that if you have a good command of the English Language, there’s a good chance that you wouldn’t need to put on accent.

How do you sniff out one that doesn’t have a good command in English? Well look at the emails he/she sends out, listen to his handling of the past and present tense, and just hear him talk when he does. If you’ve been speaking GOOD english your entire life, you can sniff one out easily.

Anyway coming back to the main topic, I guess there’s just one thing we’ll never hear a westener talking when he’s in an asian county is manglish/singlish/whatever-lish you wanna add to it. But what irks me the most is that, how come when there’s a western visitor, suddenly the whole group is talking in English? Umm, where is the 95-5 language? Wait a minute, all of a sudden everyone is speaking English? Just because of Mr Jim Baker?? Wow, since when was there a  universal rule that states:

When an Englishman is with a social company, one should only be allowed to speak English?

Sacarsm aside, I think you and I both know why we do this? The answer is, yes you got it – Etiquette.  It’s just plain simple courteous when we’re in a group and we find one person doesn’t understand our language to politely switch our language so that he/she too can understand. But sadly, I don’t find that all in this country. People will only switch the language (english) when there is a foreigner.

As an Indian who can’t understand much of my colleague’s native tongue, I find it appalling and demeaning when my colleagues converse in their native language, and I get even more annoyed when they ask me questions in English, or when they look at me and comment something in English?

Oh so now you wanna talk to me in English? What the heck man?

But why is it with  the company of Jim Baker, everyone starts talking in English? Is Jim Baker more important than the locals who cant understand the group’s native language? Why not just continue on with the 95-5 Language, who cares about Jim Baker anyway?

Frankly, this whole phenomena puzzles me and it’s no surprise why this entry also deserves to be in the  “Stupid Asian Culture” category. We Asians are so good at portraying ourselves in front of Westerners (NO WONDER THEY LOVE ASIANS!) but we do a shitty job with dealing with our own people. If we Asians can be etiquette to outsiders, why is it hard to do the same to our own fellow friends?

The latest of this “phenomena” happened

I fucked up okay?!! I fucked up!!!- Trey, from the movie Sunshine after he realizes that his calculations about the ship’s trajectory had been miscalculated which ends up leading the ship straight to disaster

It’s 1.45 in the morning. I have just returned from another work-related activity. Over the last couple of days, I have been busy almost every night attending to some network maintainence work. It’s tough when you are assigned over 100 devices to perform these services and it’s your first time doing them.

Nevertheless I got by most of them successfully until tonight. Actually it was my second last device and everything had already been set up and put into place. All I had to do was enter a command viola, the it would be done.

It was that simple. I was very close to the finish line. I’d even imagine ardently emailing my supervisor to let him know that I succeceed in completing this huge task.

Yes, this is sure something to be proud of young man!

And then the problem began. What was just a slight misconfiguration (I missed it by a different character) caused 2 branches to go down. All because I had overlooked a tiny, almost oblivious error.

I guess what irked and flabbergasted me the most was the fact that I had done this procedures one too many times. I had checked each and every device, diligently, making sure the command configurations were correct and so on. It didn’t strike me at all that I was making an error while preparing for the 2 infamous network devices.

But it had to happen, this just had to come down and weigh me down. In some sense, this whole episode brought me down, it made me realize that I’m still a naive kid with lots to learn. It humbled me above all else. (Ironically I was boasting to a colleague about how privileged I was to be able to handle such devices just an hour before this whole mess occured)

Now what do we do?

How do I pick up the broken pieces now?

How do I continue keeping my head up?

In this world, bad things happen to all people, but there are two responses to bad consequences, one, the pessimistic cynical view that is filled with anger, sorrow, pessimism and fear. The other, humility, courage,  perseverance, tenacity and bravery. We all know by knowledge and virtue which is the right path to follow, but instinctively it’s always easier to follow the former path.

For me, I do admit my mistake and I think this is the first positive step. I was rash and plainly careless with my work which has lead to this consequence. Honestly, I have no one else but my own self to blame for this.

Is this a bad thing? Is this a good thing? It’s hard to say. Because of the unfortunate accident I had earlier this year, I drive much more carefully, I am more alert on the road, I’m double-triple careful when I park my car. I banged my car, as a result I am careful these days.

Like that same experience, I hope to get over this one with a positive thought. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone also has the opportunity to learn, but not everyone takes this opportunity. I hope that this experience stays with me and continues to mold me to be a better person in the future. I definitely need to work more on my calmness, and my composure. I need to learn to take it easy, to be calm, composed and cool.

Books can’t teach one how to be those things, neither can articles. Learning to be calm and composed requires a conscious awareness and an emotional check whenever things get rough. A matured & balanced person isn’t refined in one day.  I’m far from  being that perfect guy I envisioned myself to become, but I know I’m gettting there. Like how silver is refined in hot fire, I believe God uses these experience, although painful and undesirable  to bring out the best of us, to bring out who we really can become of.

To end it all, I’d like to leave you with a short story:

Once upon a time, there was a king. The king liked one of his

followers very much because he was very wise and always gave

very useful advice. Therefore the king took him along wherever he went.

One day, the king was bitten by a dog, the finger was injured and the

wound  was getting worse. He asked the follower if that was a bad sign.

The follower said, ‘Good or bad, hard to say’. In the end, finger of the king

was too bad that had to be cut. The king  asked the follower again if

that was a bad sign. Again, the follower gave the same answer,

‘Good or bad, hard to say’. The king became very angry and

sent the follower to prison.

One day, the king went hunting in the jungle. He got excited when he was

on the chase of a deer. Deeper and deeper he went inside the jungle. In the

end he found himself lost in the jungle. To make things worse, he got

captured by the native people who lived inside the jungle. They wanted to

sacrifice him to their god. But when they noticed that the king had one

finger short, they released him immediately as he was not a perfect man

anymore and not suitable for sacriface. The king managed to get back to

his palace after all.

And he finally understood the follower’s wise quote, ‘Good or bad,

hard to say’. If he hadn’t lost one finger, he could have been killed by

the native people.  He ordered to release the follower, and apologized to him.

But to the king’s amazement, the follower was not mad at him at all. Instead,the

follower said, ‘It wasn’t a bad thing that you locked me up.’

Why? Because if the king hadn’t locked the follower up, he would

have brought the follower along to the jungle. If the native found that

the king was not suitable, they would have used the follower.

Again, the quote ‘Good or bad, hard to say’ stands.

The moral of the story is that everything that happens in this world,

there is no absolute good or bad. Sometimes good things turned out to be bad

things eventually, while bad things become a gain.

Whatever good things that happen to you, enjoy it, but don’t

have to hold too tight to it, treat it as a surprise in your

life. Whatever bad things that happen to you, don’t have to feel too

sad or despair, in the end, it might not be a total bad thing after all.

If one can understand this, he or she will find life much easier.

Do you sometimes feel that as you start the day your brain slowly starts thinking of the stuff you’re gonna do for the day and by the time you’re at work, too much information is just being flashed and recalled all at all directions?

It’s a really stressed out feeling and it just wears you down. And yes I have written them down on my PDA to help me out, but it makes me sad and demotivated to the point sometimes I don’t even feel like checking my PDA’s To-Do-List?

Wanna know why? Because at every unexpecting moment, there is always more to add to my list, and the list just keeps adding and adding. Whether it’s problems or new tasks, it doesn’t matter, the list just keeps getting longer, and it’s discouraging and often times weary to see this.

Is it all gonna just end?

Maybe that’s why some people cope with all this through procrastination. To them, it makes no difference whether they do it today or tomorrow, because whatever it is, they see no benefit, so might as well enjoy life, kickback and relax, while at the back, work just continous to pill up.

My work ethics has always been to give a 100% at anything I do, to always take everything that comes seriously and diligently, and I have thrived having that mentality, which gave rise to an early confirmation I guess. But I realize, that I can no longer give that 100% best effort anymore. Why? Because it’s just plain simple hard and tough.

I’m not a workoholic. Maybe that’s my problem, I value my leisure time, I value time to myself. It’s not to say I slack off at work, heck no, when it’s time to work, we work.  I sincerely adhrere to the principle of “there’s a time for everything”. But I hate being a workholic because it’s not healthy at all.

But sometimes, you can’t help it. You’re just sucked into it unconsciously and it sucks. I really pity all my senior managers and colleagues who have family members. I feel sorry for the children especially. I mean think about it, they study all morning, and come back home in the afternoon only to find themselves in the care of some foreign maid who feeds them, bathes them and so on. And it’s only at 7 pm, they get to see their parents.  And by the time parents get back, I wonder whether they have enough energy left to spend with their child?

I was fortunate growing up even though my dad was away, we had Mum to see to us, and that was such a strong foundation for me. I had someone to talk to, someone to express my feelings, my troubles, someone to discipline and nurture me, someone to really look after me.

The phrase look after goes beyond food on a plate and monthly allowance people!

And I grew up appreciating such an environment till as a young adult now, I realize just how much important it is to spend time with your family.

Sorry lah, but these days, the word quality time with family, balanced worklife is just some cock-and-bull corporate propaganda to entice people to believe that such a thing does exist.

How do you justify balanced work life when you see half of these family people slogging their ass of til 7.30 – 8pm??  It’s just ridiculous and downright saddening.

Sometimes I come of work, especially when I’ve had a real tiring day with the thought “work is just to sustain you and give you some experience, nothing more”.

At the end of the day. We work to live, not live to work

Sometimes we can’t choose, we just have to do it, without much obligation or reservation, we need to get the job done. Period.

In some sense, I feel to a certain degree, I am somewhat reaching to that plateau. Work is work for me these days, even if it means I have to stay back until 11.30 – 12 am, to do it, and if I have to do it at one stretch in a week, just do it! I know very well that this is definitely a positive change in me. I find myself whinning and complaining less, instead I indulge myself and  try to look at everything from a positive viewpoint, even no matter how mundane, how intimidating it is, I try my very best to look at the bright side of this.

So what has staying up to 11.30 – 12.00 am gotta do with looking at the bright side of life?

This centerpide guy must be high on something to write such an absurd, overly positive entry! Which person would look on the positive side of working till late hours at night?

Is Centerpide loko?

Hehe, rest assure I’m perfectly somber as I write this, in fact I’m drained out, having just come back from work 1-2 hours back. But I have to make this point:  Doing mundane, tiring tasks and complainaing less helps build tenacity!

Yeah remember that word tenacity? I discussed it a few posts back, and it’s precisely this. Tenacity keeps the bee busy, and it’s one of the essential skills I personally feel that will help me get on with a satisfying happy life.

Tenacity makes the bee busy!

Oh man this is seriously one fucked up philosophical piece of  junk entry I wrote…

now where’s my “messed up post” checkbox?

Centerpide I guess..is slighty loko today…

Folks, hehe, if you perhaps maybe had the above thoughts run through your mind while visiting my blog, well just to let you know, these posts are password protected for a reason as they are my privatest of privatest thoughts. They have nothing to do with any social argumentation, they have nothing to do with anyone or anybody, they’re just my private solace thoughts.

I know I can easily just open another blog, slap a nickname (milipde or cockroachman perhaps?) and just bare it all out for the WWW (whole wide world) to see. But then it defeats the purpose of this blog then. If this is my home, why go somewhere else?

Sometimes it’s an open invitation. but there comes a time where we just need to lock ourselves in, look at ourselves in the mirror and just reflect, without the fear of anyone peering or eavesdropping. I know you mean no harm, but I feel secured, and happy to let myself out when the house is locked.

It’s only when the house is locked and the windows are sealed when someone will feel safe to bare his/herself right?

Rightly so, enough sad, adios

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

In the midst of my frustration, unable to bear the mysterious error logins anymore , I sent an whinny email to my team lead, begging him to do something that will alleviate my problem!

His first sentence came : Cool down dude it’s not the end of the world

And at that point it just hit me!

Geez, he’s so right, it’s not like my job is on the line or that the network is down or anything critical for that matter!!!

He then proceeded on to guide me on what could be wrong.

The gist of this whole thing is, well I need to learn how to take that chill pill I know for a fact that I’m a very intensed person, I easily lose myself and can get stressed out really easily. I guess the reason being this is because it’s very easy to read my emotions if you’re around me. My colleagues don’t have a tough time figuring me out on this   And I don’t like faking my emotions too, or maybe I just haven’t learnt the art of bluffing your emotions yet.

Needless to say, I guess in many ways I am like Cynical-Idealist. Like her, I too get stressed out too easily, and point blankly Mum has just told me off that it’s not good for my health. And I know she’s too darn right with this. Stressing out and feeling anxious just deteroites your health and pulls you down.

I found myself smiling back again when I read this little nice feel-good article I found from the web: (I’ve underlined and highlighted the good parts for me to take note and keep it to my mind, maybe it might be a few good pointers for you!)

Learning How to Take It Easy  

Can you remember your childhood days? During those times, nothing yet seemed complicated – all we had to think about were crayons, cookies, or Santa Claus. We didn’t care about the things we didn’t know because we were just too oblivious of the things that might bother us.

But as we grow older, we get anxious with the things that surround us – life and death, loving and parting, success and failure, to name a few. We find that almost everyday, we are obliged to be concerned about people or events.

Nevertheless, always keep this in mind: Don’t take things as if they are responsible for the way you feel. Events or situations do not trouble you. How you look at them does.

If you miss those carefree days, you just have to look back at how you used to view things then, and you will know what to do now. Here’s a guide to make sure you won’t lose your way:

Cherish the simple things: Trust in the power of a smile or laughter, a kiss or a hug. Believe in kindness, honesty, dreams, and imagination. Living positively is the first step to becoming happy.

Loosen up. Laugh at your mistakes. You might remember the time when you were delivering your speech and your mind went completely blank right in the middle of delivering it. It’s embarrassing. But most likely, your audience will forget about it in a day or two. We all mess up occasionally. The good thing is that people tend to forget such situations.

Surround yourself with what you love. Get a pet. Retain film moments as keepsakes. Keep away from those that drag you down. If that high-paying job makes you sulk at the thought of having to go to work, find a job you like first before quitting. If some people force you to comply even if you think of doing otherwise, stay away from their company. Don’t put off. Go on that trip. Take your Master’s. You’ll never know the extent of your life. Do something, while you can.

Don’t push yourself too hard trying to please everyone. You just can’t. And it never seems to be worth it anyway. When you want to make somebody’s day, start with your loved ones.

Keep fit. Be that attractive person you always picture yourself to be. Cherish your health. It’s the best way of showing you are putting your best face forward.

Do not assume. (centerpide: my favourite point!)  Don’t fret about forgetting your speech before you actually do it. Don’t worry about not getting the job you want because you might mess up at the interview. It’s good to expect the worst; but don’t end up expecting only the worst.

Alter your way of thinking. When you’re being ridiculed, criticized about your family background, or condemned for past mistakes, put on deaf ears. Don’t believe everything you hear. You know yourself better than everybody else does. Never wallow in self-pity.

Remember: Don’t get upset over things just because it’s how most people would react when faced with the same situation. When you find yourself being negative – angry, down, jealous, etc. – you also unknowingly drain your energy and enthusiasm. You just have to try keeping these negative feelings in the low, because giving in to these emotions would sometimes make you unreasonable, and you might end up making bad decisions.

Happiness is always in your grasp. You can attain it, as long as you know how.

 
Now do yourself a big favour a give yourelf a big big smile and tell yourself “I’M GONNA HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!”