Pornography – Is it really that bad? (Part 1)
DISCLAIMER
The following content may not be suitable younger audience. Reader discretion is strongly advised. The following entry also reflects my personal view on this issue and by no means am I trying to encourage readers to view or get involved in pornorgraphic activities
The word itself -pornography brings a negative image to one’s mind. To some people porn is something that is often linked with delinquency. I mean if you catch someone watching porn, it’s like catching a criminal or a thief. Now I’m not going to write a long essay on pornography. You’re all old enough to know about that stuff.
Rather I’d like to focus on the very nature on the view on pornography. I’ve divided this entry into 2 parts (just so I don’t bore the hell of out you!). For the 1st part, I will view pornography as a whole. I will talk discuss about the real reason behind the problem with porn and I will talk about viewing porn from a different perspective.
The 2nd part will mainly focus on the social aspect of porn – why do people actually succumb to it; and I will wrap up with a few personal thoughts.
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The real reason behind the negative aspects of porn
I was just reading an article on the negative effects that porn has on a person’s life. (Refer to additional references below) While I do agree that most of the points mentioned are true, I still think that the biggest fear or problem with pornography lies with the addiction it causes. Porn itself in my opinion is not an evil thing. If a person were to say porn is evil, then cigarettes and alcohol too are evil things.
Think about it, porn only affects you if it’s always on your mind. And how does something become stuck to your mind? Through addiction of course! Such people who become addicted to porn I would assume have integrity and moral principles in life. Remember I’m using the word ADDICTED…not WATCHING. These are 2 different things. You can easily WATCH porn and not be affected by it at all, but addiction…well that’s a different story.
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Addiction - the real problem
People who are ADDICTED to porn typically have low self-esteem and confidence. They have no serious ambitions or goals in life and they’re often not strong in their faith. They life a mundane and pointless life I would say. I mean I’m sure we’ve heard married and family men getting involved with internet sex addiction and so on. Why does this happen? Well I think it’s because they’ve no real meaning to their life. They don’t see how blessed they are to have a family and so on. That’s when porn destroys a family.
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Viewing Porn from a different light
Porn, itself by nature it’s not harmful if you know how to control it. I know this sounds weird but I think porn does help stimulate and does give a sense of idea on how to spice up your sex life. Think about it again, most married couples sometimes find their sex life to be so depressing. There is no excitement or passion and romance. I’m not saying that porn teaches men to be more exciting in the bed, but it does provide a rough idea and direction on how to “spice” things up…and it’s perfectly normal, I mean just as how exotic and new kinds of food stimulates our appetite, the same thing goes with sex. Without porn, how are we actually gonna learn new moves and so on?
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Porn as a means of sex education?
And I think porn does help in some ways to an individual’s sex education life. Most parents obviously feel extremely uncomfortable talking about sex to their kids and that is perfectly understandable and normal. Heck I know I would have a tough time talking about the birds and the bees with my son and I know my son would have a tough time with my grandson. And parental books would say “oh you should be as open as you can with your children when it comes to sex” but seriously, it isn’t that straightforward. So it’s up to the schools now.
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What about Schools?
But schools only teach you the scientific and theoretical aspect of sex as they cover only the reproductive system, and this is important to teens. They need to know the “mechanisms” of it, but it doesn’t fully cover it. Sex is something you actually need to watch (yeah as wierd as it sounds, it’s true). It’s like football; you can never really know what football is all about until you’ve actually watched a couple of games. Sure you may no all the rules about football, but watching it is a whole different experience. In that sense, porn, for a lack of a better word actually helps “show” the process and it’s important to actually see it. Of course maturity is needed. Watching football and watching sex are different in nature. You can’t possibly let a child watch porn! But when you’re 15 and your school thinks that it’s time for you to learn about sex, is watching porn wrong then? I don’t really think so.
Visit www.centerpide.net for Pornography – Is it really that bad? (Part 2) tommorow for a continuing discussion on this topic.
Additional Resoucres:
August 25th, 2005 at 3:37 pm
Centerpide,
To me porn is not a bad thing because it is another form of sex education to youths nowadays. However, one must be able to control him/herself from getting obsessed with porn.
Malaysian schools are lack of sex education and not everyone knows truly what is sex is all about. Sometimes this topic is still taboo in families or within friends.
However, to me it is not because it’s just a reproduction subject whereby we learn about the male and female anatomy and how babies were created.
I guess we just have to view porn in a different way and not make it something taboo because come on, we are living in the 21st Century.
Cheers!
August 25th, 2005 at 8:03 pm
I have to disagree. There are better way of learning about the bees and birds than encouraging our young people to watch porn. What do you actually see in porn that helps with sex education? Men banging many women without qualms? Do you see anything about birth control, pregnancy issues, commitment, etc?
If you want to learn about the biological make-up of the human body, there are textbooks and videos (NOT PORNOGRAPHY). If you want to learn about sexual techniques, you can surf the Net for info and there is always this book called Sex for Dummies.
People need to watch porn in order to catch the ‘mechanism’ of sex? Geez, whatever happened to the good ol’ days of learning from your partner? Sex is something private between two people - would you like your son to watch you and your wife getting it on just so he can learn about the mechanisms of sex?
You want to know how to spice up your sexual life? Talk to your partner. ASK. Communicate.
I have always seen pornography as what it is - porn and not sex education. Sex education to me is just more than SEX itself. It about the emotion, the reason, and the consequences of sex - and that, my friend, you can never get in porn.
August 25th, 2005 at 8:59 pm
mei: not all partners are willing to communicate and teach their other partner’s about sex techniques…in some ways you are “excpected” to know how to arouse and do stuff like that… I mean if you don’t know the simple basics of arousing, it’s a real turn off I guess.
Yes there are books like sex for dummies, but how many people actually read them? Watching porn I guess is a more practical way to learn about these things.
And of course many women find porn to be degrading because of how they are portrayed in those movies (as an object that is OWNED by the dominant men). If I were a girl, I too would hate that, and if men were to treat women like that in bed, then yes, porn is bad.
But if you’re just using porn as a platform to help you understand the insights of sex…what’s wrong with that?
August 25th, 2005 at 9:18 pm
i think what mei meant is that your argument is like saying that reading mills and boons can teach you how to write very well when you have other better choices like wuthering heights and great expectations.
August 25th, 2005 at 9:34 pm
minishorts: 15-17 year olds dont really enjoy reading “wuthering heights”, it’s a given fact, their attention span is so much more shorter and they rather “read” stuff which are more interesting. It’s normal and that’s life, ask around young people how did they learn about sex, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them openly admited it was thru porn, and honestly whether it’s right or wrong, that’s how it is in today’s world.
Maybe it’s common in the older generation to read about sex to gain knowledge but this is rapidly changing as we are moving ahead. Most younger generation people would rather watch something to learn about sex rather than read it…sad but true.
My issue is not with people getting involved and watching porn, because you gotta admit, it’s inevitable; but rather growing out of it and learning to view porn just as something that isnt a really healthy activity (just like how cigarettes and drugs are bad) as they grow older in life, which i will discuss in my next entry.
August 25th, 2005 at 9:56 pm
Lets see, first of I personally agree and disagree with the author on certain issues. I agree that porn can be harmless in some sense. Porn is becoming a big part of out lives thanx to the inventation of the internet whether you like it or not. Watching porn does not automatically makes you a bad person but I agree that being addicted to it affects a person’s life; socially and personally.
But I have to disagree on the part where porn is used as a sex education. OK! I agree I have watched porn with a couple of friends and I bet that anyone that has an internet connection have at least once came across some porn ads. Anyway to me porn is just SEX. Its missing a lot of elements in love making including LOVE. And I definately agree with one of the comments that you don’t use porn to teach your children about sex if you want them to learn about orgies or those weird kinky sex. I think its more appropriate to use a sex educational video where if I’m not mistaken they use real-life couples to demonstrate all sorts of stuff. And I think thats the closest you can get to reality because its pretty obvious that the girls or guys you meet or come across on the streets won’t always have big boobs or big penises, lol.
August 25th, 2005 at 10:11 pm
Question for you. Now if you think at 15, it’s ok for kids to be watching porn if the schools say it’s ok to start learning about them, what do you think about sex on TV?
August 25th, 2005 at 10:17 pm
sex on tv…well by 15-16 kids ought to understand something about sex, it’s not like they’re being exposed to something totally new,and besides peer influence is big over here. As for sex on tv…well like they always say “viewer discretion is advised” and it’s up to you to use your discretion, and by that age…you ought to have some sense of what’s happening.
August 26th, 2005 at 12:18 am
As mentioned by MS, I too both agree and disagree on certain comments. Too much of porn is definitely bad - I agree. Aside from also agreeing with MS about not using it as a platform for sex education (from a certain point of view), I think porm gives off a rather ‘fake’ expectation of the whole SEX issue - the DO itself.
*Description may be detailed and VERY x rated beyond this sentence.
Eg. Boys will assume that gals like to be squirted at with cum all over their faces, which is not ALWAYS the case. They will also assume that anal sex is something of a normal or a must-do, which is MOST of the time not the case.
To me, porn in general is like a scenario of every boys dream come true, which hardly happens in real life. It’s somewhat of a fantasy like situation. And when things don’t turn out the way it’s ’suppose to’ (according to porn standards), they may think that, ‘Omg….I did something wrong that’s why this is not happening or that’s not happening or she’s not having the time of her life…’ - and the list goes on. Now, THAT would be REALLY bad….
August 26th, 2005 at 12:34 am
Yvy: if a guy were to think that he should do that squirting activity, then he’s got the wrong concept about sex. I’d also guess that he’ll be naive to think that porn is an actual depiction of sex.
Just as how romance movies are fake in some ways, the same goes for porn. But romantic movies does give us some rough ideas on how to sweep a person’s feet doesn’t it? The same goes with porn…
Of course if there’s anything one should know about sex is that it’s unique and different to each individual. If a person is gonna do the exact same things that he’s watched on a movie, of course it aint gonna work…the girl may not even like it at all!
August 26th, 2005 at 10:12 am
But you see, you’re not talking about ADULTS watching porn. You’re talking about YOUNG kiddies around puberty watching these things and thus forming their own ideas of what sex really is.
I know of kids who grow up thinking that 1) a guy who has a big wang is a stud and if he has a small wang, no woman would want to sleep with him; 2) all women enjoy getting their carpet munched and fingered like crazy (when in actual fact, some women HATE foreplay); 3) ALL women have big boobs (WTF), 4) when you are cumming, squirt all over the girl, and 5) if you don’t cum after sex, there has got to be a problem with you - doesn’t matter if you are a guy or girl. And that’s from porn.
On the other half, I know a good half of young people who learnt about sex from books and their friends who in turn learn from people like us - adults. Porn was just something that they experiment with NOT learn from.
I still don’t see the validity of your argument in terms of using porn as a sex ed tool. If I wanted to understand the inner workings of sex, I would look up books on sexual intimacy OR surf the Net NOT watch porn.
“I’d also guess that he’ll be naive to think that porn is an actual depiction of sex”
I thought that was how people see porn - unless of course, you’re watching a different kind of porn. ~_~
August 26th, 2005 at 10:15 am
Btw, if your partner EXPECTS you to know a few things, then that partner deserves a good knock on the head. No one is all-knowing and no matter how much porn you watch, each person has their different tastes and liking. Besides, if you know EVERYTHING, where is the bloody fun?
Also, if you cannot communicate to your partner about your most intimate of needs, then may I suggest you re-evaluate what a relationship is all about.
August 26th, 2005 at 1:53 pm
I could write a whole book that disagrees with some points in this post (i admit there are good points in Part 2) but I don’t feel like wasting my energy. The only thing I want to point out (for now)is this…
Normally (usually,mostly, almost all), those porn actors and actresses are not married to each other right? They might not even know each other at all. So, my point is, RELIGIOUSly, it is a Sin to have sex with anyone but your spouse. Watching these people doing it is also considered a sin, coz in other words, you are allowing sin to happen (supporting them by buying the video in the first place).
It’s very sinful to watch ’sin’ taking place. (think abt this, mr writer, think!) The writer should know this as he is a very good Christian.
Education? As many has pointed out, there are OTHER ways of learning.
So WHAT if we live in a modern world or the 21st century? Does the keeper of heaven’s gate care? The only thing he knows is, the lesser the sin, the higher the chances into heaven. He wouldn’t CARE if we were in the 80s, the new millenium or 5000B.C. Rules are still the same.
Sex is a sacred union between husband and wife, i repeat, SACRED.
One should Never watch other people doing it OR letting others see you are doing it. It is plainly, SINFUL. Forget the movies or other tv shows that actually show those “action” taking place. That alone is already a sin to watch, let alone Porn! (oh my God, especially porn!)
I’m not trying to preach here, I am not perfect, and i know MANY will disagree with what i just said, but hey, look back, talk to your Priests or Pastors, Fathers or Sisters, or your respectful religion advisors, read your holy book again, and open your eyes. Life is TOO short. If you truly believe in God, then you’d believe in avoiding sinful acts. Remember,…. they WILL question you at heaven’s gate. *peace*
August 26th, 2005 at 2:47 pm
Cheers Mrr! Ur reply was definitely like knocking the ball out of the field into the sky…What a great way to bring the writer back on track…
Seriously, prash…U’re contradicting urself…First, u quoted, “Porn, is it really that bad?” as if u’re supporting it…And then u quoted in another reply ” My issue is not with people getting involved and watching porn, because you gotta admit, it’s inevitable; but rather growing out of it and learning to view porn just as something that ISN’T REALLY A HEALTHY ACTIVITY”…Hmm, sounds like u’re sitting on the fence the whole time so that u can sway between sides when the situation calls for it…
Honestly, it sounded like u secretly enjoy porn and wanted to come up with reasons to justify it… ;-p Well, we’ve told u our opinions bout it already…And basically, the majority still stuck with ‘Porn is REALLY that BAD’ and easily addictive…Hence, it’s better to discourage, rather than encourage in the first place…
And I think it’s pathetic to even consider learning anything from it…Mrr and the previous replies by the other girls really made a really good point about that…
August 26th, 2005 at 10:29 pm
Exactly Prashanth, that’s why I mentioned ‘assume’ because as you yourself mentioned, porn normally comes to light to teens from 15 or as young as 13 onwards. It’s really no suprise at all. So if THAT is the case, how can you say that “if a guy were to think that he should do that squirting activity, then he’s got the wrong concept about sex. I’d also guess that he’ll be naive to think that porn is an actual depiction of sex.” when the people who are exposed are kids/teens - and it is through porn that they are most likely to b first exposed to what they THINK is sex. Wrong concept because it’s the wrong source.
September 9th, 2005 at 1:41 am
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